Casabalco

Barry Bonds: Of all the roid joints in all the towns in all the world you had to walk into mine.

Police Investigator: And what in heavens name brought you to Casabalco?

Barry Bonds: My health. I came for the roids.

Police Investigator: What roids? Your in baseball.

Barry Bonds: I was misinformed.

Police Investigator: I'm SHOCKED! SHOCKED to find steroid use going on in baseball.





Police Investigator: Realizing the importance of the case, my men are rounding up twice the usual suspects[Bonds, Giambi, Sheffield - Bernard, Santiago, Velarde].

Marvin Bernard: You despise me don't you Barry?

Barry Bonds: If I gave you any thought I probably would.

Marvin Bernard: Barry, think of all the poor devils who don't use steroids. And besides, I only take half the dose, is that so roidish?

Barry Bonds: I don't mind roiders. I object to cut rate ones.





Police Investigator: My impression was that Barry Bonds is just another bulked up ball player.
commissioner Selig: We musn't underestimate bulked up ball players. I was with him when he broke the record in San Francisco in 2001.




Jason Giambi: Play it once clean Sam. For old times sake.

Sammy Sosa: I don't know what you mean Mr. Giambi.

Jason Giambi: Play it clean Sam. Play baseball without roids or corked bats.





Barry Bonds: Last night we said a great many things Jason. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you're getting on that plane with Gary Sheffield where you belong.

Jason Giambi: But, Barry, no..........

Barry: Now, you've got to listen to me! You have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here in Casabalco? Nine chances out of ten, we'd both wind up in prison and suspended from baseball. Isn't that true, Mr. Police investigator?

Police Investigator: I'm afraid that commissioner Selig would insist.

Jason Giambi: You're saying this only to make me go.

Barry Bonds: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong clean with Sheff. You're part of his team, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

Jason Giambi: But what about us?

Barry Bonds: We'll always have the records. We didn't have, we lost it until we came to Casabalco.

Jason Giambi: When I said I would never leave you..........

Barry Bonds: And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going[756 homers], you can't follow. What I've got to do[756 homers], you can't be any part of. Jason, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three bulked up players don't amount to a hill of pills in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now[Jason tearing up].... here's looking at you kid.
[The plane takes off]................


Commisioner Selig: What is your nationality Barry?

Barry Bonds: I'm a roider.

Police Investigator: That makes Barry a citizen of baseball.

Barry Bonds: Mr. Investigator, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.



Barry Bonds-Rick
Jason Giambi-Elsa
Police Investigator-Louis
Commissioner Selig-Major Strasser
Gary Sheffield-Victor Lazlo
Sammy Sosa-Sam
Marvin Bernard-Ugarte


Finis.